“There are others. There will be others. Other heroes, other heroines. Other prophecies to fulfill, other adversaries to despise. There will be stories told and forgotten, and reinvented anew until one day, perhaps, the oldest are remembered, and the beginning may end, and the ending begin.” ― Jacqueline Carey
Phix's Curiosity: what sparks my interest
Watch this space to see what's sparked my interest this week. A random grab bag of delights!
This is the end of the latest 18 months. A new cycle begins within the next 24 hours. I've written about this recently, and now the time has come. Y'know - I have so many mixed feelings about this. It's definitely time. So definitely time. And yet... What I'm leaving had become, sufficed for?, community. I realized over the course of a few years that I need to be around other people regularly - at least somewhat. I can go for months lost in my own head - with glee even!, but there are so many interesting people, interesting conversations, so many mind and heart connections to be made.
It's taken me a long time to realize I get lonely and hungry for deep connections. I don't particularly care much for many shallow connections. I do care about connections that leave me thinking, that resonate, that are passionate exchanges.
A while back something crossed one of my instagrams that really resonated:
Kiss your friends' faces more
Destroy the belief that intimacy must be reserved for monogamous relationships
Be more loving
Embrace platonic intimacy
Embrace vulnerability
Use emotionality as a radical tactic against a society that teaches you that emotions are a sign of weakness
Tell more people you care about them
Hold their hands
Tell others you are proud of them
Offer support readily
Take care of the people around you
-- @dorimidnight
It is easy in this world, especially now, to be jaded and cynical. To be paranoid and afraid. That's not how I want to live my life. I want to be brave enough to risk trusting. To develop intimate (platonic) relationships (I got that other piece taken care of...). I probably don't tell my friends enough that I love them, but I do. Those three words can be weird and hard to say outside of very narrowly constrained contexts, but those are the correct words - I love my friends. I'm learning how to be brave and say those words out loud. And sometimes I'm not quite brave enough yet. But that makes it no less true.
Allowing myself to love deeply means enough to me to risk being hurt. To feel the loss of (nearly daily) connection acutely, painfully. To know that I have loved well and truly what I am doing and who I am with that at the end - even knowing it is right, that I am going somewhere else with joy in my heart - there isgrief. And that's how I know that I'm loving as deeply and authentically as I have wanted to, to have lived deeply in the moment and allowed myself that experience. And hopefully brought others into that curiosity and spinning joy of being whole, at least for a moment, or a few minutes, or some amount of time with me.
Medusa's Garden
When you need every one and everything around you to just stop.
I took M1 back to college on Monday night. It was a blissful night for a three hour drive. Quiet on the way down. I... may have been a moving noise violation on the way home but y'know, sometimes a girl needs the entire Sisters of Mercy discography on high volume at night, driving in the dark... letting the music wash over her like waves rinsing everything away. Bliss. BLISS.
Friday I do the whole trip again (probably). Unless I do it Saturday. Sometimes there's nothing like open road time. Not traffic jam time, but settling into a trip. Good music. Good thinking time. Good not thinking time. If you're sharing the car with another person, good conversation time. Sometimes, if you're not the driver, good napping time, lol! There are times I get in the car and I just want to keep going. I don't have that luxury right now, but in college there were times when I was like, AYUP. Road trip time. It's 11pm. I can be at the ocean in an hour and a half and I'ma go for a midnight walk and look over the moonlit horizon of the Pacific for a while. And then drive home. Sometimes it used to just mean taking a longer (sometimes much longer) route home.
Sometimes driving is serious therapy is what I'm saying.
Ariadne's Yarn: playing with threads
What I'm up to with fiber and possibly how mythology and stories all tie together.
I finished the black Welsh mountain sheep wool. Carded, spun, the last skeins are setting now. Now - what to do with them!? On to spinning angora bunny, which, as I recalled last time, made my nose itchy and drippy, and that is confirmed. Noted for future reference. And will probably be ignored in the future too. Because STUFF TO SPIN.
Back to working also on the baby camel/silk scarf. And thinking about what's going to be going on the loom. And maybe finally getting around to figuring out the card weaving thing... Because that's how computers originated and I want to play around with that process for a while. :)
Mythic Librarian: the art of arranging a life
Thoughts on ontology and ways to organize a life.
Back to where I started - I have learned along the way... I've learned that if I want connection, I need to be the one to step closer into the center of the circle and make it happen. I am not sure if it's an introvert thing? But... Ok. I don't understand how social things happen and how people get invited to things and have social lives. If I don't reach out, I would rarely, if ever, see people who are even very dear to me. Now - is that a story I'm telling myself? Maybe in part. It isn't entirely true... but it isn't entirely untrue either. We went for years without having the energy to reach out because of the weight of the chore of always being the coordinators and the lack of reciprocity of effort. And... I'm at the point where when I find a connection, I will put in the effort to be persistent until something happens. And I will step up to help friends in need. Because it's important.
And in all this, I'm trying to remember, it's an end to the job, not an end to the friendships. But... it's also the end to the daily connection and that's really hard. BUT - it's not an end to connection as regular as we make it happen. Right? I hope not...
In my home office, among other things I have hanging on my wall, is this poem by Yolo Akili:
A Message From The Universe
Remember: Oppression thrives off isolation. Connection is the only thing that can save you.
Remember: Oppression thrives on superficiality. Honesty about your struggles is the key to liberation.
Remember: Your story can help save someone's life. Your silence contributes to someone else's struggle. Speak so we can all be free. Love so we can all be liberated. The moment is now. We need you.
Connection is the only thing that can save you.
And you, if I haven't told you I love you or haven't told you recently, well -I love you.