A Spoon Full of Sugar

I have learned this about myself.  If I am put into chaos, I will start to create order and make sense of it.  Eventually either the chaos *becomes* order, or the chaos is meant to be chaos, and I find just enough pattern in the chaos to be able to mostly float along the tops of the rapids.

“Perhaps we are born knowing the tales of our grandmothers and all their ancestral kin continually run in our blood repeating them endlessly, and the shock they give us when we first bear them is not of surprise but of recognition.” 
― P.L. Travers, About the Sleeping Beauty

I cannot believe how fast this year is suddenly moving.  I feel like last week was just the first week of the month, and now here we are at the end!  

Granted, I guess in that month, things turned around and now I've got a brain full of information management and trying to figure out a job from basically scratch and quarter-prepared processes.  It's been keeping me busy!  

As a result, I've been thinking a lot about how uncomfortable not knowing things is for me.  I want to be doing everything that needs to be done.  And I want it done right.  And for it to be the right thing to do.  I know.  Fussy in that way.  (Except when I kind of don't care which does occasionally happen).

The thing is, no one can really tell me pretty much anything - because they don't really know either.  Which is both great and sort of worrying.  But, I have learned this about myself.  If I am put into chaos, I will start to create order and make sense of it.  Eventually either the chaos *becomes* order, or the chaos is meant to be chaos, and I find just enough pattern in the chaos to be able to mostly float along the tops of the rapids.  Mostly.  Every now and again, some whitewater or a rogue wave gets me.  But that's part of life.

Someone called me Mary Poppins the other day, it's sort of apt, both generally & in this particular situation, having sort of blown in as quickly as the wind changing direction.  Hmm.  Actually, I think that might be useful.  Not so much with having to manage Jane and Michael, but just the matter of fact, super direct, while also meeting all requirements for social propriety, and navigating the most ridiculous, and also fun, situations with brilliant uniqueness.  Those books were really brilliant.  No so much the movie, which is a delight in its own way but doesn't really have anywhere the depth of the books.  I still re-read all the Mary Poppins books periodically.  P.L. Travers was an amazing story teller.  It's probably past time for me to re-read What the Bee Knows too - in all my spare reading time... My stack is growing by the week, it seems!  

Another thing I've been thinking about is how complex the details are.  I look at the project I'm working on (human insights research content management & the associated system), and on the surface it appears really straightforward... and then a tiny question appears, and then all of a sudden (to switch childrens' books metaphors), you're down the rabbit hole with Alice.  Boom. Which is interesting, but sometimes we have tangents on tangents on tangents and forget what we were trying to get answered in the first place.  Soon I will know all and it will be fine.  Or I'll have recreated it in a mutually shared image... And it will be fine.  :)

I got a big piece of puzzle this week though.  Part of the issue has been that this program has been managed across no less than four project management systems, and several sharepoint sites.  Of course we can't manage anything, it's everywhere!  I finally was shown what I thought was an incidental project tracking location, that turned out to be pivotal and a whole bunch of stuff dropped into place.  I went from having about seven things assigned to me, to having nearly 300 - though some of that was because a predecessor was *way* too granular with creating work items to a ridonk degree.  More that I can fix! Just link to the spreadsheet instead of entering every row from the spreadsheet and tada! 

So.  Yeah.  And that's just *one* of the places my brain has been.  It's been sort of the Red Queen's race, from Through The Looking Glass, really...

"Now, here, you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that!"

RIGHT?

And speaking of which, it's time for me to double my fast-as-I-can.

With a spoon full of sugar, a piece of cake, an elixir of your choosing, and love & curiosity,

--Susan

Laughter & Grace

Eternal now, happiness, and joyful community?  It's not splendor or beauty, but laughter is definitely a grace.  

Laughter is the key that grace has arrived. 
-- Anne Lamott

So one of the things I've been thinking about since the beginning of the year is Grace.  What does it mean to have grace?  To be graceful?  In more than just a physical movement sense.

Relying on the trope they taught us K-12 then told us to never use ever again because it's so overused, here, according to Merriam Webster, is the definition of grace:

Definition of grace
1  a : unmerited divine assistance given humans for their regeneration or sanctification
    b : a virtue coming from God
    c : a state of sanctification enjoyed through divine assistance
2  a : approval, favor stayed in his good graces
    b archaic : mercy, pardon
    c : a special favor : privilege each in his place, by right, not grace, shall rule his heritage — Rudyard Kipling
    d : disposition to or an act or instance of kindness, courtesy, or clemency
    e : a temporary exemption : reprieve
3  a : a charming or attractive trait or characteristic Among disagreeable qualities he possessed the saving grace of humor.
    b : a pleasing appearance or effect : charm all the grace of youth — John Buchan
    c : ease and suppleness (see 1supple 2b) of movement or bearing danced with such grace
4 —used as a title of address or reference for a duke, a duchess, or an archbishop
5 : a short prayer at a meal asking a blessing or giving thanks
6 Graces plural : three sister goddesses in Greek mythology who are the givers of charm and beauty
7 : a musical trill, turn, or appoggiatura 8 a : sense of propriety or right had the grace not to run for elective office — Calvin Trillin  
     b : the quality or state of being considerate or thoughtful accepted his advice with grace. 
--Merriam Webster

So I'm still trying to make sense of what exactly grace is.  I have the year... in the meantime...

Graces plural : three sister goddesses in Greek mythology who are the givers of charm and beauty... the three Graces are Splendor, Beauty, and Laughter.  One of these things is not like the others, right?  Laughter?  Why is laughter one of the graces?

Laughter brings grace - it always occurs in the eternal now.  NOW.  While you might laugh about something that happened in the past, you are laughing about it NOW, in the present.  

Laughter also, in its' purest state, is about bringing happiness.  Yes, there's bitter laughter, and the awkward laughter when you get the giggles at a really inconvenient moment, but true belly laughter is not that.

And laughter, in the presence of others, laughter in community, can create a bond that lasts a lifetime.  We laugh with our friends, our loved ones. 

Eternal now, happiness, and joyful community?  It's not splendor or beauty, but laughter is definitely a grace. 

May we all be so blessed with such grace.

Love and curiosity,

--Susan

Roses

All the roses that are around are starting to send out their shoots.  Little green sprouts.  The local wild roses more abundantly than some of the more decorative roses, but at this point they're all growing.  

Rose is a rose is a rose is a rose. --Gertrude Stein 

Our yard is in less than optimal shape for anything right now.  We grow moss really well, but it seems like not much else despite some trying... Our yard requires a little more than benign neglect.  But slowly it's taking shape.  It has had much to come back from, so all things in time.  

I might have talked about it some already here.  We've had to rehabilitate our yard.  The previous owner used so much roundup on it that there were no birds, squirrels or any other little critters that would come into it.  Now we have weeds growing!  Dandelions, stinky bob, and all sorts of other things, with big tap roots, breaking down they clay-y soil and reintroducing all sorts of nutrients that the soil needs.  We have moss -- I love moss, and will be happy to watch it spread, especially across the hard clay soil in the front.  

Other things that have done well for me in the dark and damp are not happy here.  Our rosemary is... I don't think it's dead, but I'm not entirely sure it's alive either.  Perhaps this is the year I'll figure out what's going on with it. Or not.

But regardless, spring is finally here, I think for real this time.  The April showers will bring us May flowers.  I was lucky enough at lunch today to make it to the place I was having lunch and back again without getting caught in ridiculous down pours.  One minute sunny and the next, pouring rain, seems to be the how it goes right now.

And so a new cycle begins.  

With love and curiosity,
--Susan

Return to Schedule

As quickly as it began, it ended.  

A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for. 
--J.A. Shedd

And here we are.  Once again in a routine workaday schedule.  It is a relief.  I like having a little more structure than I've had recently.  And yet, it all happened so fast that I didn't have time to create a sense of closure around what I've been doing for the last year and some odd months.  As quickly as it began, it ended.  

I promise my brain will return to me. But not tonight.  In the meantime, Marge has some words of wisdom.
 

To be of use

By Marge Piercy

The people I love the best
jump into work head first
without dallying in the shallows
and swim off with sure strokes almost out of sight.
They seem to become natives of that element,
the black sleek heads of seals
bouncing like half-submerged balls.

I love people who harness themselves, an ox to a heavy cart,
who pull like water buffalo, with massive patience,
who strain in the mud and the muck to move things forward,
who do what has to be done, again and again.

I want to be with people who submerge
in the task, who go into the fields to harvest
and work in a row and pass the bags along,
who are not parlor generals and field deserters
but move in a common rhythm
when the food must come in or the fire be put out.

The work of the world is common as mud.
Botched, it smears the hands, crumbles to dust.
But the thing worth doing well done
has a shape that satisfies, clean and evident.
Greek amphoras for wine or oil,
Hopi vases that held corn, are put in museums
but you know they were made to be used.
The pitcher cries for water to carry
and a person for work that is real.

With love and curiosity,
--Susan 

Changes

It appears that something in my life has come to a 20 year cycle end, and is now beginning again, spiraling up, and, as the old lady says in Ponyo, "Everything old is new again!" 

“Destiny is a name often given in retrospect to choices that had dramatic consequences.” – J. K. Rowling

I'm still sort of pinching myself, the transition from one state to the next has happened extremely rapidly, and... in retrospect, I sort of wonder if I shouldn't have built in a little more adjustment time.  Ah well.  So, sort of being vague here, but aside from the fact that I've been thinking about change and when and how it happens, the what in this case isn't all that germane to the discussion. 

Sometimes change is something you can work towards, creating a plan, putting milestones in place, and moving the chess pieces forward.  Sometimes no matter what you do, there are too many other variables to effect change until the external pieces line up.

A little over a year ago, there was a significant and much needed change in my life that I could not have predicted.  The morning of the change, I had a lightbulb flash of realization that someone else's need to tell me something that I already knew was not relevant to my actual capabilities or my competence.  In that moment, my heart felt free and it felt like something was released.  I was about half way to a drive that was taking me to the place where this unanticipated change was about to happen.  And when it happened, it was just a confirmation that I was truly FREE of what had been holding me there.  

No one else's perception of my capabilities or my competence has any relevance to my *actual* capability or competence.  Especially when their perception is clouded by their own insecurity, fear, and incompetence.   I only need to keep doing what my capabilities and competence are capable of, and I don't need to react to their ignorance or clouded judgment (this may continue to periodically be challenging because it's annoying to be underestimated, but nonetheless).  

So I was set free, both in my heart and mind, as well as literally uncaged from a situation that was bad for me and that I had been struggling with.  Not that this in and of itself didn't come with some significant uncertainty!  Because hooo boy did it!  But nothing is entirely certain in this world

The next situation I have been facing for just over a year now has been so desperately needed for me to regroup, re/identify myself.  What intrinsic value do I bring to the table.  Who am I when I'm not trying to shape myself into someone's idea of who I need to be?  I mean - I totally didn't entirely escape that because I didn't find myself with no roles in the world, but I have had enough time and space to evaluate those roles as well. Part of what I realized is that the evaluation and re/centering and re/identification of self is something that must be ongoing.

This change has been almost as abrupt and I feel like the breaking point may have been at some point on Tuesday.  I was telling someone about how hard it can be not to find our identities in what we do.  What I do is not who I am. It's what I do!  But there is intrinsic value and worth in me showing up as who I am way beyond anything I do or have.  It was that same moment of freedom and something clicked.

It took until Wednesday for the next piece of the puzzle to fall into place, and as this sends out to you, I will be stepping into the new cycle, another level on the spiral.

There are intentional initiations and rites of passage, and then there are the ones that seem to self-define, seemingly out of nowhere, but no less (or more) powerful.  And of course, alongside all of this, life continues to roll along casually as if nothing out of the ordinary has happened.

And of course, is any discussion on this topic ever complete until this song gets shared?  No.  No, it is not.  And now, having shared it, it's time for me to wrap this newsletter up. 

With love and curiosity,
--Susan

Music and Old Friends

And on to music - another good friend (HI FRIEND!) asked my my opinion on some musical matters that we share a history with going way back.  A little of that history is perhaps in order to make sense of the rest of the story.  

All music is folk music. I ain't never heard a horse sing a song.
-- Louis Armstrong

This week started out in the best way possible -- I got to spend the weekend with lovely friends doing things I enjoy, and then I came home and got to see a long time friend and we just spent the day catching up, talking about All The Things as if we'd never been apart a day, and (watching M2) pulling owl pellets apart, because that's who we are as people.  

It makes me realize what a treasure are people who know and accept me all the way through for exactly who and what I am in my entirety.  If you have people in your life like this, you must be good to them, they're hard to come by!

And on to music - another good friend (HI FRIEND!) asked my my opinion on some musical matters that we share a history with going way back.  A little of that history is perhaps in order to make sense of the rest of the story.

E and I met when we were 16 at camp (e doesn't use gendered terms, so instead of he/she, etc, e uses e/em/eir or the singular they).  We were then staff together and have remained good friends since. Part of our bonding was trying to figure out the rubric of what made for an acceptable camp song after singing some songs that are well known folk songs that were really no different in content than songs we already were singing... except they were new and apparently therefore "inappropriate".  Our crowning moment of glory pointing this out was to create an amalgam song of all the accepted songs and veer off into another song right as we got to a part that would have gotten us in hot water had the song not already been institutional canon.  Eventually e became one in an illustrious string of camp music directors and is also on the board.

Fast forward *cough*cough*a*lot*of*years*cough*, and e is taking part of a review of the camp repertoire of songs for 'cultural competency.'  Which, given our difficulties navigating the rubric by which things were deemed acceptable and unacceptable, is fascinating to me.  So a whole bunch of this is stolen from and maybe modified a bit from the email I sent em earlier this evening.  Because it's a topic I can happily ramble on for a long time. :D

Music is historical and political (hence the sticker on Woodie Guthrie's guitar that said "this machine kills fascists" and the writing on Pete Seeger's banjo that said, "this machine surrounds hate and forces it to surrender." In the uproar around Ice-T's Cop Killer, I was very much into Dick Gaughan and the opening track on what is still my favorite album by him is Erin-Go-Bragh. You're all clever enough to catch the gist of what's going on here through the Scots - http://www.dickgaughan.co.uk/songs/texts/eringobr.html. Or you can just play the song in the background because it's really a good song!  Spoiler alert, totally traditional song, and a highlands Scots fellow is mistaken for Irish while in 'Auld Reekie' - or Edinburgh - by the police, words are said, things escalate and he kills the officer, 'paid stock and interest for Erin-Go-Bragh' and that basically leave the Irish alone, it's none of your business why they might be in Edinburgh. That both songs were in my awareness that same summer drew some alignment of music as carrying our histories, and Ice-T was singing an age old song with new melody and words, but a very old story.

One of the songs I sang that was frowned upon was a variant on the Whistling Gypsy of sorts. I have a bit of a pet peeve around Whistling Gypsy vs. Maddie Groves. Not to mention that gypsy is a slur on par with... Well, all the other slurs... (and to be honest, I'm sort of uncomfortable even using it here and in context).  But the reaction to what I thought was merely a variant on a song we knew and sang all the time, was also the pivotal learning point for me that blind tradition carries a lot of weight with it. I was never entirely sure how another friend's version of the Handsome Cabin Boy (who ends up pregnant to the immense surprise of various people) was so adored when she sang it. I mean... I guess no one *died*, but.... ??? It's a difficult rubric to work with, especially if you don't quite fit in! I always assumed that she got away with it because she was likable and normal and pretty and appropriate in a bunch of ways I was not, even when I tried. Like... there are clearly rules about things I didn't get and still don't, like a regular conversation I have with people is to check *again* that there isn't some owner's manual for being human and another for having feelings that maybe I just didn't get.  If anyone reading has that manual/s, please send along to me forthwith!  Although I may be too old to change my ways now, lol!

The question I turned over as I read and pondered eir email was whether they all were looking at the repertoire with an eye toward cultural competency... was the end goal to remove and/or Bowdlerize or add in additional layers of songs from affected cultures? I like the latter idea a lot because more folk songs is always my favorite answer! I'm not really a fan of Bowdlerizing, because I think we should not whitewash history and make it appear "clean" to sooth our discomfort with our own history. I believe we need to feel and own that discomfort and the wrongness of some of the events that happened, even when it makes for great music. I DO think contextualization is critical.  One of eir pointed exercises was to follow the thread of British Colonialism through the camp songbook and point out all of the different areas on a map where colonialism stretched to, called  "The Sun Never Sets on the British Empire" exercise.  I really love this kind of education through music, tongue-in-cheek though it may have been, as the kind of contextualization and music education that we *should* be providing when we teach kids (and adults!) folk music. It doesn't have to be serious and academic, especially at camp, but providing some context in a memorable way is important. If it's such a good song that Bowdlerizing is what people want to do, I feel like that brings up the question for me of masking the more obvious racism/sexism without actually addressing it, and functionally creating "dog whistles" where we have "cleaned it up" but pretty much everyone still gets what the song is about... Or doesn't and then you can send two different messages to two different audiences. One knows and gets the reference, while the other doesn't which is pretty terrible ethically.

I think one time I saw the camp handle music education well that really stood out for me, and done in a good way on kind of a serious matter was that as kids will, we started getting kind of goofy with Dona (a song from the 40s and Jewish/Yiddish theatre, here's Joan Baez's version, called Donna Donna), and in particular adding a HAHAHA! after 'oh the winds are laughing' and the music director at the time was like hey, that's not really appropriate with this song, here's the deal, it came out of a culture where literally the people were being led to slaughter and this song is about human rights. There was some grumbling of course because teenagers having fun, but having that added context provided *way* more meaning in return, at least for me, and I think others as well than 'this is just a song that's fun to sing.'   

And then on the other side of the equation, fitting the song to the audience is a thing that definitely happens in folk music and folk tales alike.  I tend to think that 'cleaning up' music is different than sharing what the audience is developmentally able to process.  And then to add another layer, there's also the time honored artist's interpretation.  So many different angles to parse all this from.

When my folks were at camp (and I know because guess who has their song books!) there were a number of civil rights songs that faded out in the 70's, replaced by some singer-song writer folk-ish stuff (thanks to one of my cousins for always asking me if we sang that song or that song), which in turn were phased out as different people brought in their own interest in music (o hai Camp Deadwester when we had music staff that was super into the Grateful Dead). 

I had an Irish boss a few years back and I was telling him of my horror of being at an early Black 47 concert while all the Northern Ireland stuff was continuing to go on, and the lead singer just being so passionate about James Connelly (Irish hero from 1916, just... here's another song to listen to) and... the dumb frat boys who were mixing orange and green and didn't really know either side of the history and were being really disrespectful while thinking they were celebrating Irishness... He told me about himself at about the same time and age growing up in Dublin and the border being only about an hour away and he and his buddies thought they'd go to N. Ireland on a lark and they got to the border and it was literally a militarized war zone, and they came away feeling very very somber and a little shaken, realizing for the first time that history was still in progress.

Relaxing and singing together is such a powerfully bonding experience... And it provides such an amazing vocabulary of expression of the human experience. We sang/sing at lunch and dinner, then around the campfire... And as morale boosters/just for fun hiking, sea shanties trying to get back from this small island or that, against the tide or in a storm, or... Square dancing with and without music in the lodge, waiting at ferry docks... Spontaneously on an alpine hike because it's fun...

And too, music carries the full weight of the memories of our human shared history - good and not so good. I can't listen to the PJ Harvey album about WWI except rarely because it makes me cry (time for another song?). 

Another thing that comes to mind around the inclusion of colonialized and other cultures and music is the question of appropriation. This is a constant struggle for me and I feel like sometimes we walk right up to the edge of it at camp for various reasons, but this is also tricky layer of the rubric to navigate. When is something culturally Not Yours to use and share?  Recently this came up when we had some questions around using a song Harry Belafonte popularized... and what resolved it for us was that we had all learned the song from him appearing on the Muppets, which made it feel ok as it was pretty widely recognized as popular culture and shareable. I think generally the folks doing this have some pretty solid expertise in knowing which side of the line to stay on... And I guess that's why we're doing this with adult hindsight and a whole lot of care and different perspectives...

And just because music: a totally appropriate song about working in industrialized conditions and weaving - Poverty Knock. 

In the end, there is so much amazing music to pick from.  Really it comes down to - why are we doing this?  What do we want to get out of the experience?  And what is it that we're trying to pass on?  And I'm sure I'll come back to this time and time again, further refining my thoughts on it all.  Because I am now totally down the rabbit hole into youtubing old songs and listening to them and I've rambled on long enough for tonight.  In lieu of an endless Virginia Reel, here's Pata Pata & the Milk Bucket Boogie.  Neither of which are traditional, but we took the dance associated with Pata Pata and sped it up for the Milk Bucket Boogie.  And some of us tripped over our feet a lot more than some others...

In musical curiosity,
--Susan

And a bonus track from the rabbit hole, Diamonds & Rust...

Owls & Odds & Sods

I think this is the first year I've heard an owl.  They're very distinctively different sounding from the rock doves that we also have a flock of.  Sometimes I almost swear I hear a raven croaking, but I'm pretty sure it's one of the neighborhood crows.

O you virtuous owle, The wise Minerva's only fowle.
~ Sir Philip Sidney 

It should not surprise you that I don't write these Friday morning, surely.  So then it should not be a surprise when I say, as I was sitting down to write this, the neighborhood owl started hooting.  I think this is the first year I've heard an owl.  They're very distinctively different sounding from the rock doves that we also have a flock of.  Sometimes I almost swear I hear a raven croaking, but I'm pretty sure it's one of the neighborhood crows.  I have seen ravens in the islands, but not in an area with this much human population.  I have NOT however seen the neighborhood owl.  

So what have I been thinking about this week?  I'm thinking it feels like this year is flying past.  How did it get to be mid-March already?  It seems the years go faster every year!  

I've also been thinking about this app called Countable, I've linked to the website which is actually where I use it the most. From their website: 

Countable makes it quick and easy to understand the laws Congress is considering. We also streamline the process of contacting your lawmaker, so you can tell them how you want them to vote on bills under consideration.

You can use Countable to:Read clear and succinct summaries of upcoming and active legislation.Directly tell your lawmakers how to vote on those bills by clicking “Yea” or “Nay”.Follow up on how your elected officials voted on bills, so you can hold them accountable in the next election cycle.

You can also ask that they respond to you when you contact them.  I've gotten several emails, though generally I tell them I don't need a response.  It really simplifies the process of getting involved and sharing my opinion.  Because the mango mussolini and the gross old party are bearing down and becoming more horrible by the day.  Making sure that at least my congresswomen are hearing from me, even if I know the resident troglodyte and his administration discount any opinion I might have, is important, still.  Countable makes it really easy to go through once a week (or more), and see what's coming up  and how my people are voting.  Countable sends me an email when my people have voted on things that I've sent them something on too, so I can go in and see.  And I can see how far things have progressed.  It's actually... very engaging.  I'm quite pleased to have found it!  I have the app on my iPad as well. It's available for both IOS & Android. 

The weather is finally turning, sort of, to spring.  I think it's probably safe for me to take my lemon plant and carnivorous garden (pitcher plant, sundew, and flytrap) back outside.  My flytrap is looking very sad.  It doesn't do well inside -- it needs the direct sunlight to really thrive.  Mild winters, it's perfectly happy outside.  This year, not as much.  I have bought a little plant light to shine on it for a bit to see if I can revive it.  If not, I'm afraid I'll need to get another one.  This one has survived a couple years though, so I'm getting better at the appropriate level of benign neglect for them.  

It's also that time of year when I want to go outside and garden.  Generally in the middle of the night is when I'm most inspired... possibly because with as dark as the yard is, my ability to actually do anything effective in the yard is virtually nil.  The day dreaming is the best part? I don't know . But I do have some ideas that are trying to solidify.  Last year I cleared out half the blackberry vines in back.  This year I need to go through, beat back the ever encroaching ivy again, and do the other half of the yard's blackberry vines.  Then rake.  A lot of raking.  And we lost a surprising number of pretty large branches this year.  I guess it's been one of the less mild years in recent years, so I suppose I shouldn't be surprised but there you go.

... We appear to have two owls!?  They are talking to each other!  One is quite close, and one is further away...  Just went outside - apparently we have an entire parliament of owls in our neighborhood!  They've moved in!  Plenty of mice for them to eat.  They were all so hilarious out there!  They sound like they're barred owls.  They are!  This is what our neighborhood sounds like tonight. 

The last big thing I've been thinking about is... wow. Did I forget in the excitement of having a whole parliament of owls chattering on?  Wait - there it is.  I've been doing a lot of baking lately.  Experimenting with whole wheat flour.  It gets sweeter when you let the dough rest overnight.  I have tried and failed miserably to make crackers.  They turn out tough and kind of chewy... and I can't stop eating them.  They're weirdly good.  Tonight I'm making some hearth breads to take to some friends this weekend.  Last weekend I made a couple kalamata ciabattas.  So tasty!  In the midst of all of this, we've taken my oldest off of dairy, and as of today, wheat as well. So, I will probably stop with the bread for a bit now.  It's been a long time since I read food labels.  We generally buy pretty straightforward products, but it's always interesting to find that the cheddar rice chips are just cheddar flavored and therefore safe, while one package of tater tots is safe, and the other has lactic acid and sour cream in them.  I bought wheat and gluten-free bagels today and got home and thought... oh, what is she going to put on them?  No butter, no cream cheese... Hmmm.  I told her I got wheat and gluten free bagels for her and she got really excited about putting avocado and hummus on them!  She's not really a fan of rice, and when I told her I was making curry for dinner, she asked if she could have hers over polenta and... ok, that's weird but sure! So I made a big ol' batch of polenta squares for her, refrigerated them, and now there's one more thing that she can do something with.  I am, at the moment, hopeful that this helps with what's ailing her.  We shall see. On the upside, I know so many people who are wheat intolerant at this point that we have a lot of resources and super tasty recipes.  

The thing I haven't been thinking about is the fact that as you all read this, it's St. Patrick's Day.  So for that, today's St. Patrick's Day trivia is that your odds of finding a four-leaf clover are approximately 1:10,000.  

May the leprechauns and fairies be kind to you, and may you not get pinched too much today.

With a whole lot of hoo-hoo-hu-hooooooing & curiosity,
--Susan 

Rain and Rainbows

It's been raining enough here that the ground is super saturated.  As we were outside briefly at the local high school tonight, the planted grass between the main building and the theater building was drowning in puddles -- nowhere for the water to escape to, and the ground beneath it had absorbed all that it could.

“Dare to love yourself
as if you were a rainbow
with gold at both ends.” 
― Aberjhani, Journey through the Power of the Rainbow: Quotations from a Life Made Out of Poetry

Some days are just like that, you know?  

And on days like this, sometimes you learn that the Greeks had a goddess of rainbows - Iris.  She was Hera's messenger, like Zeus had Hermes.  And sometimes you learn that Iris has a fraternal twin sister, Arke, who is the messenger for the Titans, like Hermes and Iris are for the Olympians.  Arke is also said to represent the fainter second rainbow that you sometimes see when the light is just right.  It's always nice to learn something new in a day!

After a meeting in the morning, I decided that today was the day I was going to get the warp I set up last week on to the loom.  It's going to be sort of an experiment.  I was quite happy with the scarf I wove a few months ago, so I'm trying something closer to shawl/wrap size.  And plaid.  Because apparently that's a thing that needs to happen.  After a little bit of figuring out how to discreetly start/end the weft as the colors shift, I discovered something quite clever that I think will look decent.  It's a loose weave, so I can't just double an end in without it being kind of apparent, but if I take a crochet hook and wrap it back around itself and then through the middle of the strand, it blends right in quite nicely.  We'll see how it looks when I'm done.  Here's what it looks like so far...

Once it comes off the loom, it will not have so many spaces.  It's always vaguely alarming looking on the loom when I'm doing something like this, and then once the tension is off, the yarn relaxes and floofs out and fills in some of the spaces.  Yes.  I am virtually positive that surely 'floof' is a highly technical fiber-working term!  

One of the advantages about approaching fiber-work as an experiment is that it's just an experiment and I can kind of fiddle until I'm happy with it.  

It's a lesson I try to take with me into other things.  Sometimes I'm more successful than other times with that line of thought.  I've never been much good at following recipes or patterns.  I'm in the middle of knitting a hat, it's black angora and very shiny and it does not photograph well at all... Anyway, I was knitting along and I decided that instead of repeating a pattern three times that I was only going to do the middle pattern part because black and very shiny doesn't show the pattern strongly unless there's something to differentiate it from.  As I was talking myself through how this was all going to flow, M1 says to me, "MOM.  Mom.  You're doing it again.  You really can't just follow the instructions ever, can you!?  You do the same thing when you're cooking too!"  Which.  Ahhh.  Yes.  About that.  No.  Sort of. I mean, if the instructions serve my purpose, I can follow them very well, but sometimes (and let's be honest here, a LOT of the time) the instructions aren't actually what I think needs to happen and then I do have a tendency to take a certain... creative license... with things.  

So, with all that said -- look for the rainbows, and the double rainbows, and, if I may quote Jack Sparrow, "The code is more like... guidelines... than rules..."  Substitute recipe or pattern, or instructions, etc for "code" as you desire.  

With love and curiosity,

--Susan